Happy 20th Birthday Alex

Happy 20th birthday, Alex. One of my greatest joys has been watching you grow into the smart, funny, loyal man that your are today. I can’t believe I have been a mom for two decades! 7,300 days of memories. To celebrate this milestone, I thought we could take a little walk down memory lane. 

1. You made me a mom twenty years ago today, and in that moment my purpose in this life was made clear. In the early morning of December 10, 2005, when it was just me and you in that hospital room, you stole my heart. I knew in that moment I would never be the same. That first year was one of the best of my life. You were the sweetest little guy, and I tried to savor each moment of our days together. I never even minded the sleepless nights. In those quiet moments I prayed for you to grow big and strong and happy.

2. When you were two, this was our bedtime prayer:

Mommy and Daddy: Please God,

Alex: bless my mommy and my daddy

Mommy and Daddy: and everyone who

Alex: loves me.

Mommy and Daddy: Help me to be

Alex: a good boy.

Mommy and Daddy: Please send me

Alex: a brother or a sister. Amen.

God must have been listening, because when you were two and nine months, you became a big brother. It was a role you took very seriously. From the moment she was born, you took on the role of her protector. People stopped me all the time and commented on the sweet interactions between the two of you. 

3. From an early age, I knew you were so smart and witty and had a silly sense of humor. I never knew what was going to come out of your mouth. I dubbed the funny things you said “Alex-isms.” There are many times in a day when you thought you were being funny when in reality you were not. Quite a few of these instances involved the words poop and pee. You always asked, "Mom is that funny?" And I would reply dryly and with a straight face, "Yes, it is hysterical." One day after this exchange, you said to me, "Mom. You know when something is funny and/or hysterical you are supposed to laugh…" (and that did make me laugh!)

4. When you were four, I was telling you the story of the night you were born and you said to me, "Mom. I don't want to get bigger. I'm scared to be big. I want to stay little." And I answered, "Me too, my sweet boy." I wanted you to stay little forever, but by the next morning you had already changed your mind about growing up. You said,  "Momma, it is okay if I get bigger, because I will always be your baby." 

5. On the night you were born, the waiting room was full of family! That night and every birthday since has always been a celebration of you. And on your fifth birthday, we had  a ROCK STAR party. Milkshake performed a concert in our basement. Dad is still talking about the confetti they threw all over the place. 

6. A month after you turned six, you became a big brother again. When Zach was a baby, I would bring him into your room to wake you up every morning.  He would climb all over you, and you would open your eyes and smile.  You were such a big helper with him.  You loved to read to him and play with him and make him laugh. 

7. In first grade,  you loved math and could read anything and everything.  Your teacher said you were so nice that the other kids would seek you out to be your partner in class. You were always a good friend, especially to all your cousins. Sleepovers with Jake and Luke were on repeat and still are to this day. Sandwiched between them, you were sometimes a mediator and always an audience. No one could make you laugh the way they could and still can. 

8. Even as a little boy, you always had a such a kind and empathetic heart. Once when we were in Disney World, a little girl was lost.  You were so worried about her finding her mom. You said to me, "Mom. You have to help her."  At night you hugged and kissed us goodnight and when we said, "May God bless you," you always said it back to us. 

9. At nine, you were a fun friend, a team player, and the heart of our family.  You always had a way of making those around you feel good about themselves. Your favorite day of the week was Friday, because that was  Family Movie Night.

10.  After ten years of watching you grow from that chubby little baby to a boy who was almost as tall as me, when I gave you a hug, you could look me in the eye and put your head on my shoulder.

11. You found a home at Gilman in sixth grade. We spent many nights and weekends studying at that dining room table. You would pace around the table as I would quiz you, and you would always say, “Ask me again, one more time,” until you got it right.

12. At twelve, you loved Chick-Fil-A and ate it several times a week. I would tease you that your blood type was Chick-Fil-A sauce.  Like most other tweens, your phone was an appendage. You loved snapchat, silly group texts with your buddies and watching funny videos.

13. The beginning of the teenage years. Taller than me. Braces off. For the first time since you were a toddler I found myself in a power struggle with you.  You wanted to do what you wanted to do, and I wasn’t ready to stop guiding you whether you wanted my advice or not. And although these changes were hard, I knew you had a good head on your shoulders. Your strong moral compass kept you  headed in the right direction.

14. We lived through a pandemic.  I was so proud of the way you were able to keep things in perspective, continue to do well in school, and stay close, laugh and have fun with your friends, even when you couldn’t  be together in person.

15. Welcome to Upper School. You spent your evenings playing basketball, lifting weights, studying and watching every show on Netflix. On the weekends, you could be found hanging out with your friends in our basement. 

16. First car, first job, first party. I think that 16th birthday party was the moment when our house  became "the house." The one where shoes were piled in the mudroom, where boys raided the coat closet so they could go out and play in the snow like little kids, where the Ravens games were watched, where poker tournaments were organized, where music blared from speakers after dances, and where late-night pizza was delivered. And now when you are home from college, your friends come in that mudroom door, give me a hug and head down the basement steps, and that is when my heart is most full.

17. You took your big brother role to school. You were a Peer Educator for 9th graders, a mentor to a student in lower school, and you tutored in the Bridges program. Even though you don’t always realize it, you are a born leader. You are wonderful with younger kids, patient and kind. Your little cousins look up to you. And so do Izzy and Zach, even though they might not always admit it.

18. You graduated from Gilman. As you walked across the stage, eighteen years of memories of watching your learn and grow went through my mind. Reading you books as a baby and a toddler and you asking for “another one.” And as you got older, you would come into my room at night to tell me you finished yet another book. I recalled many years of  teachers telling me that you were a diligent student who was invested in his learning. You excelled in your studies and your grades always reflected this effort and dedication. It was one of the proudest moments of my life. 

19. It was and is all about you and the U. You are in college now. For the first time in your life, you aren’t living at home. And as much as I miss you when you are at school, I am so excited for this opportunity for you to be independent and make new friends and have new experiences. And it is a great place to visit. And I know you know that even though we may be over 1000 miles apart, I am always right here anytime you need me. I will always be your home.

20. Today you are twenty years old. No longer a baby, or a kid, or a teenager. You just finished your first semester of Sophomore year of college. You are home for a month. I am so happy to have you home, because as I have been saying every December for the past twenty years, “All I Want for Christmas is You.”  

These memories are only a drop in the bucket of every memory of you that I will hold in my heart forever. I can only hope that what stays with you most is how fiercely, endlessly, and unconditionally I love you. Twenty years ago. Today. Tomorrow. Forever. 

I love you, 

Mom

Happy 17th Birthday, Izzy!

Happy Birthday 

 "my dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen." 

Dear Izzy,

Happy 17th Birthday to my best girl!

Seventeen years ago, on Labor Day, my world was forever changed in the best way. My wish came true—my daughter was born. When I look at you, I sometimes still see that little girl with the curls and the missing front tooth, but I also see the young woman you’ve become. You are beautiful inside and out—quiet at times, but never afraid to speak your mind. You are witty, smart, and determined. You are loyal to your friends and your family. You are, and always have been, the glue that holds us all together. You may argue with your brothers, but I know you are their biggest supporter and the one they go to when they need to talk. You are a Daddy’s girl—his Boo—and he would truly do anything to make you happy. I am so proud of you and so lucky to be your mom.

This year has been filled with firsts: your first State Championship in Field Hockey, your first car, your first (and second!) trip to South Beach, your first trip to California, getting your first class ring, your first time going through a drive-through and ordering by yourself, and your first time being a camp counselor. I love seeing your independence shine.

It has also been a year of favorites: Turks for New Year’s, family dinners, the Fourth of July on the beach with your friends, countless beach days with family, and of course ending with the best week of the summer—“Cousins in the Condo.”

And now, a junior in high school! Being born on September 1st, we could have sent you to Kindergarten when you turned five, but I’m so glad we didn’t. Your maturity and determination to succeed will serve you well in these last two years of high school and beyond. An added bonus is that I get two more years with you before I have to send you to college. Junior year is such an important year—your schedule and classes are challenging, but I have no doubt you will always put forth your best effort. And I know you’ll find the time to have fun too.   

Watching you grow up has been one of my greatest joys. I can't wait to see all the amazing things you do this year. And remember, you may not need me the way you once did as a little girl, but I’ll always be here for you. Forever. 

I love you so very much my Izzy Bizzy.

Mom

Happy 13th Birthday

 Dear Zachary,

Thirteen on the thirteenth!! It seems impossible that thirteen years ago today, I was on bedrest thinking I had another month to go until you were born. Little did I know that you would be ready to make your arrival that very night. That night we became a party of five. Some people don't like odd numbers, but I think five is the perfect number.  Five senses, five fingers, five toes, Joe Flacco's jersey number, and the number of people who make up our family. On that cold January night, you did what no one else in the world could do, you came into this world and made our family whole. I had my bookend boys and my girl in the middle. And I know I say it all the time, but time goes by too quickly. I blinked, and now you are a teenager. How is it possible, you were just a baby yesterday? 

 

This year our "party of five" took a trip to Siesta Key in March. We spent the summer at the beach and on the lacrosse fields, except for the (almost) two weeks you went to camp. (It is safe to day that camp will not be on your schedule this summer.) You started 7th grade this fall and are doing well in school. You still complain (every night) about homework. You played tackle football for Gilman, and your team had an undefeated season. You joined the youth group at church with Grayson and say it is your favorite part of the week. This winter we went to Turks for New Year's where you fished, snorkeled and discovered your love for surf and turf. You are on the wrestling team and halfway through the season, you are 4-0. Sometimes I have to shut my eyes when you wrestle, because I'm scared you are going to get hurt. But I always peek, because I am so impressed with your mental and physical toughness on the mat. It is a very difficult sport, but you are not one to back down just because something is tough! You are  playing lacrosse and just started Snowboarding.  And like most teenage boys I know, you are obsessed with video games, youtube, and your phone.

         

You aren't a fan of bedtimes, consequences, and following directions. You are a fan of bad words, talking back and arguing your point. You are impulsive and strong-willed and love to challenge us, but you are also always up for a challenge. You are determined, bright, and willing to go out of your comfort zone to try new things. You have a strong sense of self, aren't afraid to say what is on your mind, and you stand up for what you believe is right. You are loyal and loving and witty and give the best hugs!

And I know you are as tall as me now (and praying for that growth spurt soon), but you will always be my baby boy, my little love. I will always be here for you, to listen to you, to remind you to do your homework, to cheer for you on and off the field and mat. I love you so very much. And I'm going to do by best to hold onto these teenage years, even if they aren't the easiest, because I am truly going to miss this when you are all grown up.

I love you Zachary,

Mom

Happy 19th Birthday!

Dear Alex,

Happy 19th birthday! I am so happy you are home on your birthday. Yesterday you finished your first semester of college. I can’t believe it! I’m so proud of you. Going far away to school is a brave thing to do. You worked hard in your classes and made new friends. Thank goodness for Snapchat and FaceTime. My favorite pictures are when you send me selfies, and I can see the palm trees in the background. 

I know you are ready to be home for a month and just relax, and I can’t begin to explain how good it feels to have you home. I have missed you so much. The house isn’t the same without you. Having you here makes my heart feel whole again. You are and always will be my best Christmas present.  

But as much as I miss you when you aren’t home, I know that this college experience is one you worked hard to achieve, and you should make the most of every day. I may be a little jealous of you, that you get to go to this beautiful school with all of these amazing opportunities ahead of you. And I’m definitely envious of the weather! I’m already looking forward to our visit in February. 

My wish for you is for you to realize your potential and the goodness inside of you. Be patient with yourself and others. This is a time of uncertainty, exploration and growth. Embrace it even if it feels uncomfortable at times. Say “yes” to new experiences and be the person who smiles and says hello to others. You are an amazing person, and those who truly see you will be the ones who will deserve your loyalty and love. I’m so lucky to be one of those people. I love you most! 

Mom

Happy Sweet 16!!!

 Dear Izzy,

Happy Sweet 16 to my best girl. Gone are the days of tutus (except on school spirit days), princesses and American Girl dolls (but you will always be daddy's princess and my Bitty Baby), and a room full of stuffed animals (well maybe a Jelly Cat or two). Hello to the days of studying in 10th grade, playing Varsity Field Hockey, volunteering your time at church, driving me around as you practice your skills, collecting of lip gloss and jewelry, painting your nails and creating with watercolors, sitting with friends at the kitchen island talking about the night before, and hanging out with one blue eyed boy.

We have had so many good times this past year... ringing in New Year's in Turks with family, our "party of 5" going to Siesta Key for Spring Break, seeing Zach Bryan on dad's birthday and Morgan Wallen in the pouring rain, celebrating your Confirmation with Alex as your sponsor.  I love all these memories but nothing beats being "BeachWalkers" in Ocean City. Fourth of July with Alex's buddies and your girls, going shopping and our breakfast runs to High Tide, sunset with Gabe and the kids, and of course the last week hanging out with the family, having a week long sleepover with cousins, and laughing until we cried (mostly because we agree Jake is the funniest person ever). 

I am in awe of the young woman you are, and I love being your mom. You are beautiful inside and out. Your smile lights up a room. People sometimes describe you as quiet, but when you speak, you do so with intention, wisdom and humor. Being able to be still in your thoughts makes you a good listener, and we all turn to you for advice and sometimes a reality check. Keep being exactly you, because you, my daughter, have so much good in your heart and dad and I are so blessed to be your parents. And your brothers are beyond lucky to have you as their sister and friend.

I pray for my kids all the time. As you three grow and change, so do my prayers. I wrote this prayer for Alex when he turned sixteen, and now I will pray these words for you this year.

I pray for you to always be kind and use the gifts God has given you for good and service to others. I pray that God keeps you safe when you are behind the wheel. I pray you make good choices, and when you make mistakes, you learn from them. I pray that you always find joy in life even on the tough days. 

I love you my sweet (sixteen) girl,

Mom

Happy 12th Birthday!!

Dear Zach, 

Happy 12th birthday to my baby boy! One more year until you are a teenager, but in many ways you already act like one. You love to stay up late, play video games, hang out with Alex and his friends, and argue for the sake of arguing. 

The highlight of this past year was when we surprised you with a trip to Universal Studios. We picked you up from school and headed to the airport. We spent three days in the parks from open to close. You guys rode every roller coaster and I even went on some rides too. We had the best weekend. You ask to go back at least once a week. 

You are in middle school this year! Middle school at Gilman is one of the coolest places (says me, a former teacher). You love switching classes and how fast the day seems to go. You may forget a book now and then or get to Language Arts class a few minutes late (traffic!) but you are getting straight A’s and always get your homework done. Your teachers have nothing but good things to say about you. 

You have lots of friends and Izzy’s and Alex’s friends all treat you like a little brother. It makes me smile every time someone sees you and says “Ziggy!” because everyone knows you and loves you.  Your bond with Stella is as strong as ever, and I love that she is one of your best friends! Every boy needs a girl best friend. 

You are so easy to love. You are funny, kind, loyal, and quick witted. And that mischievous smile of yours is contagious. Your inappropriate jokes and use of curse words gets you in trouble, but as a third child, I admit you get away with too much. But I know when push comes to shove, you make the right choices and stand up for others. But you also know when to walk away from a fight, not because you are scared of confrontation, but because I have taught you it is usually the person who reacts that loses. Being the bigger person is always a sure way to win! 

Besides playing video games (too many video games), you play lacrosse and flag football. You also started wrestling. It is not an easy sport and takes a lot of mental grit, not to mention physical stamina. It isn’t easy  to get back up, but you do. And we are proud of you for trying something new and difficult. 

Cheers to you my sweet boy! Have the happiest day and the best year ever. 

I love you more, 

Mom

Happy 18th Birthday!

 November 1, 2023

Dear Alex,

I have been writing letters to you since before you were born. For 18 years, I have expressed my love, pride, and hopes for you through these letters. I can’t believe I am writing a letter for you to read at your Senior Retreat. 

When I picture you in my mind, I see a baby with fat cheeks and huge brown eyes. I see a toddler in a Spiderman costume. I see a boy playing in the ocean, shooting hoops in the driveway, and doing flips on the trampoline. But now when I look at you, I see an amazing young man. One who is a good friend, a capable and diligent student, and a loyal and loving son and big brother who truly lives by the motto Family First. And if you ever doubt yourself, take a moment to see yourself through my eyes, and you will be reminded that you truly are a gift to this world. 

It has been a busy fall of essay writing and submitting applications. I know you are anxiously awaiting decisions as you get ready for the next stage of your life, but promise me that you will enjoy your Senior Year. The past 6+ years at Gilman have been a time of change, challenges and accomplishments. Celebrate each of these and the experiences yet to come as you approach graduation.

One more request, and I know this may sound cheesy, but cherish the moments you have with us, your family, this year. Because no matter where you land next fall, we will always be your home. So promise to save us some Friday nights for Family Movie Nights!

I love you with all my heart 💗,

Mom

….to be continued on your 18th birthday

December 10, 2023

Alex, 

The above letter was a surprise and was read to you at your Senior Retreat. And while the letter itself may have been a surprise, I am sure my words were not. You know how much I love you. Actually, you know that I love you, but I don’t think you could ever really know how much. Over 18 years of letters and I never could truly put into words just how much my heart loves you. 

The moment you made me a mom, I knew I would never be the same. It was as if my purpose for living was made clear to me. In those early morning hours of December 10, 2005, I knew that you would forever be “my person.” And now in what feels like a blink of an eye, here we are, 18 years later. And I am so proud.

Even though you are 18 and all grown up, I will always be your mom. You will always be my baby boy. I am here for you forever. But I hope, in some ways, I have done my job and given you the tools you need to go out into this world and make it a better place. And if you ever falter, just remember Gilman’s motto “in tuo lumine lumen.” Always know that in your light, we see the light. You are the light of my life, and now is your time to shine that light for the world to see. 

I could never love another human more,

Mom

Happy 15th Birthday!

 Dear Izzy, 

Happy 15th birthday! I say it every year, but I can’t believe it! Time is going by too quickly. It feels like yesterday we were celebrating your third birthday with a tea party or your tenth with a sleepover. This weekend we will celebrate with family brunch and a Morgan Wallen concert! 

This week you started high school, and I am so excited for you. You are going to be challenged and endless opportunities are going to be at your fingertips over the next four years. You are playing JV field hockey and got voted team captain. And I love that you and Alex have back to back classes with the same teacher for Computer Science and you get to see each other during the day. 

We went on some great trips this year. Key West for New Year’s, Universal Studios for President’s weekend, college tours with Alex for Spring break, and the beach. After the lacrosse season ended we headed to the beach for a month. I loved spending time with you at our favorite place. 

As much as I miss that little curly-haired girl, I love watching you as you grow into a beautiful young woman. You have become more independent and reserved. Your reserved nature makes you introspective, thoughtful, and you tend to sit back and observe the world around you before putting yourself out there. Maybe you are a little shy and maybe you are scared of being hurt by others, but know that everyone in this world would be lucky to have you shine your beautiful light on them. 

I know this time of your life is a time of learning, change, and a quest for freedom. As your mom, I will try to respect your need to pave your own way. But believe it or not, there will be times when you will need guidance and advice, so know that I’m always here for you. There is nothing in this world you can’t tell me. I will be here for you cheering you on and encouraging you for all of your life. No matter how old you get, you will always be my sunshine, my best girl. 

I love you,

Mom

Happy 11th Birthday

Dear Zachary,

Happy 11th birthday to my baby. I am so sorry that I’m not home to celebrate. But I know your grandparents and brother and sister will spoil you today. And I promise to make it up to you. Just wait and see😉. 

I can’t believe you are in 5th grade. You are doing so well in school, and I am so impressed with your work ethic and your effort. When you make mistakes and are given the chance to make corrections, you always do, even if that means extra homework or raising your grade from a 96% to a 97%. You also have had some cool successes outside of the classroom. You auditioned and made the Treble T’s choral group, and you made the travel basketball team this year. You are also playing lacrosse and flag football. You are hoping to play tackle football in middle school. You enjoy “working out” with dad in the basement and shooting hoops in the driveway with Alex and Izzy. You love to play football at recess with your buddies. 

This year we went on trips to Turks and Caicos, UNC and Key West. We spent lots of time this summer at the pool and the beach. You love being in the water and fishing too. 

I love you so much, and I’m pretty sure I’m still your favorite person in the world. I don’t know how long that will be the case, but I am relishing every minute. I love the loyalty you have for your whole family. You are the youngest in our family of five, but in some ways you seem like an older brother. You are always looking out for your brother and sister, and you love picking on them too. You are a best friend to Stella and a great big cousin to Scarlett and Chris. You are sweet to your grandparents and aunts and uncles. You can tease like the best of us , and that evil grin and your love for inappropriate jokes always manage to get a laugh. You think you are a teenager and always want to hang with the teenagers in our family and with Alex’s friends. Over Christmas break, Jake and Luke spent the night and nothing made me happier than the midnight nerf battle. There was no doubt that you and Jake were going to beat Luke and Alex 😜. 

You still give the best hugs. Now when you hug me, you are almost as tall as me. It won’t be long until I’m officially the shortest person in our family. But you know what I’m going to say next, no matter how tall you are or how many birthdays you have, you will always be my baby. 

 

I love you so very much,

Mom