Thursday, January 19, 2012

Welcome to our Family, Zachary

Zachary Michael was born at 7:30 pm on January 13, 2012. 3 weeks and one day early. My water broke at 5:00 pm and I was sent to the hospital. Two and a half hours later our baby was here. The first few hours were a little scary. Zachary had to be taken to the NICU because he was having a little trouble breathing. He was given oxygen for about 20 minutes and then was monitored for several hours. All of our family was there, and they got to visit him in the NICU. I was the last to see him because I was in recovery literally sick with worry and they couldn’t regulate my blood pressure. But finally at 10 pm, they took me to see him for just a minute, but that is all it took. My heart fell so deeply in love with that one touch of his silky hair and I knew I would never be the same again. And after the longest six hours of my life, at 4 o’clock in the morning on January 14th, I held my baby for the first time.

Alex and Isabella came to the hospital to meet their Baby Zachary a few hours later. They are so excited to have him here. Alex cried when he saw him. Isabella said, “We have been waiting years for him to get here.” It was the sweetest thing I have ever witnessed in my life. My three children – my heart – all together for the first time will be a memory that will never fade.

Zachary and I spent the next few days in the hospital where “my little preemie” continued to amaze and charm every nurse he met! Babies born early are supposed to have trouble nursing. Zachary nurses around the clock. At birth he weighed 7 pounds 0.8 ounces. When we left the hospital, he had only lost a few ounces and weighed 6 pounds 11 ounces. He passed the car seat test. He had lots of poopy diapers. Every time a nurse would come into the room or bring him back from the nursery, he got a glowing report. I wrote a few things down – I couldn’t help myself. I spent so much time worrying about him while I was on bed rest and in those first few hours that I was so relieved and happy that he was doing so well. Here are some of the things the nurses said about him.

“He is so sweet and quiet.”
“The 36 weeker who sure doesn’t act like it.”
“The baby who does everything right.”

Sure, maybe the nurses say wonderful things about all the babies in their care, but if you ask me they were smitten over my little boy! How can you not be…he has the most adorable nose, kissable cheeks, prefect lips (just like his daddy). He is the cuddliest baby in the world. I never want to put him down. On his forehead, he has a little birthmark. Dr. V said it is called an angel’s kiss. I guess my grandmas couldn’t resist kissing him either!

Now we are home and life is crazy. But the best possible crazy. Isabella is right by our side all day. I take care of Zachary and she takes care of “her children.” Alex couldn’t be a prouder big brother. He was so excited to wear his BIG BROTHER shirt to school. He told his teacher, “Read my shirt.” He read to Zachary at bedtime the first night home and there was nothing better than seeing my two boys snuggle.

I truly can’t put into words how I am feeling. Zachary is the absolute perfect baby. He is my youngest and will always be my baby. Every time I look at him I can’t even wrap my head or my heart around how blessed we are and how complete we are as a family of five.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Holidays 2011

We had such a nice holiday season this year. We went and cut down our own Christmas tree. Alex helped Jay cut it down. We had so much fun decorating it. We made hot chocolate and the kids loved going theough the ornament boxes and picking out their favorites. We decorated gingerbread houses, had breakfast with Santa, and mommy and daddy went to the HCC Gala.

On Christmas Eve we went to Nana and Pop Pop's for brunch. Then we went to church. The kids loved lighting the candles and singing Silent Night. We headed to Uncle Andy's for dinner, where we spent a bittersweet evening missing Grandma Mela but happy to be together.
We got home and sprinkled reindeer food, put out cookies and carrots, and hung our stockings. We snuggled in Izzy's bed and read The Christmas Story.

Santa came to our house!! Christmas morning was the best! The kids were so excited to open their gifts. Alex got his iPod touch and Izzy got her Lalaloopsy dolls. They also were so happy to give each other their special gifts. Alex gave Izzy a pink pig stuffed animal and Shrinky Dinks. Izzy gave him a Slip and Slide and a Power Ranger. We spent the afternoon at Drew and Laura's and the evening at Aunt Kathy and Uncle Steve's house surrounded by our families. It was a wonderful and relaxing day!

Only a few weeks to go...

Well I am 36 weeks and 2 days. It has been a crazy few weeks. On December 27, I was put on bed rest. 14 days later, I am still here. Bed rest sounds good in theory but not so much fun in reality. Although I am probably doing more than I should, I spend most of my day on the sofa watching tv, playing checkers with Alex, or playing princesses with Isabella. Poor daddy has to do all the shopping, cooking and housework.

Oh and I can't forget the kick counts. At least twice a day, I count your movements. You need to move 10 times in 2 hours. You usually move 10 times in about 30 minutes. You have passed your tests at the doctor's too. I am very worried about you, but you are a good boy always reassuring me with a kick or two!

Alex and Isabella are so excited to meet you. Isabella can't wait to take care of you. Alex loves talking to my belly and feeling you move. Yesterday he started to cry when he felt you move...tears of joy he said. He is going to teach you karate and how to dribble a basketball.

You are 'scheduled' to arrive in three weeks at 39 weeks and 4 days. (we will see....Alex was born at 37 weeks and 4 days and Izzy at 38 weeks and 6 days). Last night I packed our hospital bags. I wrapped your presents to give to Alex and Izzy. Tomorrow we head back to the doctor where I know you will do what you need to do to show you are happy and healthy in there.

Your family can't wait to meet you, sweet baby. You just moved in my belly. I think you are excited to meet us too. I can promise you there will never be a baby as loved as you!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

25 Rules for Mothers and Sons

25 Rules for Mothers of Sons
Inspired by a Pin I've recently seen about "rules for dads with daughters," I went searching for a similar list for moms with sons. This search was mostly fruitless, so I was inspired to write my own Rules for Moms with Sons. Granted, my list will not be conclusive and may not be entirely uncontroversial. So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt - but I hope to inspire other moms who are loving, and struggling, and tired, and proud, and eager to support the boys in their lives. You are the most important woman in his life, his first teacher, and the one he will look to for permission for the rest of his life. From "Can I go play with them?" to "Should I ask her to marry me?" Its a big job, but as the mumma, we're up for it.

25 Rules for Moms with Sons

1. Teach him the words for how he feels.
Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment. He'll cry from fear and bite out of excitement. Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference. Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion. Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.

2. Be a cheerleader for his life
There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games. There is no doubt that he will tell you to "stop, mom" when you sing along to his garage band's lyrics. There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts. There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you've been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade. He will tell you to stop. He will say he's embarrassed. But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.

3. Teach him how to do laundry
..and load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt. He may not always choose to do it. He may not ever have to do it. But someday his wife will thank you.

4. Read to him and read with him.
Emilie Buchwald said, "Children become readers on the laps of their parents." Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books. Let him see you reading...reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles. Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever. Writers are the transcribers of history and memories. They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important. And Readers help preserve and pass along those memories.

5. Encourage him to dance.
Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals. No matter where you go, no matter who you meet - they have some form of the three. It doesn't have to be good. Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.

6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.
The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he also knows about men who kick a$s because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).

7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity
The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth. But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).

8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.
You already are all of those things. If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything - remember this: If you have done any of the following: a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they are your own) or i) found a way to be strong when that child is are a superhero. do not doubt yourself for one second. Seriously.

9. Teach him to have manners
because its nice. and it will make the world a little better of a place.

10. Give him something to believe in
Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won't be able to be there. Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.

11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle
like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings.

12. Let him ruin his clothes
Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes. You'll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don't waste your energy being angry about something inevitable. Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes. Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.

13. Learn how to throw a football
or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song. Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.

14. Go outside with him
turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away. Just go outside and follow him around. Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions. It's like magic.

15. Let him lose
Losing sucks. Everybody isn't always a winner. Even if you want to say, "You're a winner because you tried," don't. He doesn't feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed. And that's a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids. This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again.....) Instead make sure he understands that - sometimes you win - sometimes you lose. But that doesn't mean you ever give up.

16. Give him opportunities to help others
There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help. Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities. Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together.

17. Remind him that practice makes perfect.
This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life. You become a better writer by writing. You become a better listener by listening. You become better speaker by speaking. Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks - they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing. Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip. Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier. Practice, practice, practice.

18. Answer him when he asks, "Why?"
Answer him, or search for the answer together. Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid internet searches). Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself. Someday, when he needs to ask questions he's too embarrassed to ask you - he'll know where to go to find the right answers.

19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.
especially the wipes.

20. Let his dad teach him how to do things
...without interrupting about how to do it the 'right way.' If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything. You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers. And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom, you will stay connected to what is happening in his life. Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.

21. Give him something to release his energy
drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog. Give him something to go crazy with - or he will use your stuff. and then you'll sorry.

22. Build him forts
Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff into magic. Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders. For the rest of his life, he'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.

23. Take him to new places
Because it will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.

24. Kiss him
Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet. They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day. But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender. So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, 'what happens in between that made you lose that?' Let's try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they're loving and kissing them even more when they're wild. Kissing them when they're 2 months and kissing them when they're 16 years old. You're the mom - you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets - and make sure he knows it. p.s. (this one is just as important for dad's too).

25. Be home base
You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back. When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times. When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands. When he is sick, he will call you. When he really messes up, he will call you. When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious. Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun. Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.