It's a Boy

Baby Boy,
Since the moment I found out I was carrying you, I wondered day and night if you were a boy or a girl. Well today at the ultrasound you were more than happy to show us that you are all boy!!! You are so cute…you were all curled up and comfy in my belly. I hope that means you are going to be a cuddle bug. We called all your grandparents and aunts and uncles to tell them that we were having a baby boy.

Then off to the store I went. I bought blue balloons, a blue stuffed monkey, and a little brother onesie. I picked up Isabella from school and told her the news. And then when Alex got off the bus we put the onesie on the bear and the look on his face when he realized he was having a brother was priceless!! He is going to be such a good big brother to you. He has already promised to teach you math when you turn 4. And he also said that he wants to go look through all his books and give you some and he will read them to you when he learns to read. And Isabella is going to be like another little mother to you. She tells me that she will hold you and rock you.

I can’t believe we still have a little over 4 months until we meet you. But when it is cold outside it will warm in our home because baby boy you will be here – and our family will be complete.

Big Day for My Big Girl

Today Isabella started 3 Year Old preschool. When we got to school she smiled as we snapped pictures of her by the “Chestnut Grove Tree.” Then it was time to go to her classroom. She put her tiny hand in mine and looked up at me. “Momma, you are going to stay with me?” I held back the tears and told her that no I wouldn’t be staying but she is a big girl and will be fine (but would I?) She wouldn’t let go of my hand. She might as well have been squeezing my heart. I kissed her and said a quick goodbye knowing she was in good hands. I held back my tears until I got into my car. I cannot believe she is already in preschool. As I have said so many times before, the years are going by so so quickly. I want her to stay my baby girl. I kept busy this morning and looked forward to seeing my girl at 12:30. When I picked her up she was sitting in her cubby with a huge smile on her face. She had a great morning.

We went home, had a snack, changed clothes and then we were off to her first ballet class. She was too cute in her pink tights, ballet shoes and tutu. When we picked up Alex from the bus stop she showed him all her new moves!

What a day!

Alex's First Day of School 2011

For almost six years, Alex has been mine. For all his days, I have been his caregiver, his teacher, his playmate. Yes, he went to My Gym, and to camps and to preschool. But the majority of his day was spent at home with me. Today that all changed. Today was a day that we have been talking about all summer. Today was the day that Alex got on the bus and smiled and waved as his daddy and I cried behind our sunglasses. Today was Alex’s first day of Kindergarten.

I can’t believe that he is old enough to go to school all day every day. I am one big conflict of emotions right now. I am so excited as he starts this new chapter in his life. He is going to learn so much at school. But I am so sad that he is no longer going to spend his afternoons with Isabella and me or be able to sleep in like a teenager. This morning she told him, “I am really going to miss you Ally.” And my heart literally broke. I still see him as my baby and I can’t believe he is no longer my baby, or a toddler, or even a preschooler. He is a school-aged kid. I want to rewind time. I want those years back when he was mine… all mine.

Today when I picked him up (did I mention he was only gone half day today? I might really fall apart tomorrow when he goes all day) he was so happy. He had such a “great day” (Mrs. Bensen’s words). I asked him how the bus ride was and he said, “I started to cry, but I was able to hold my tears back. And then I realized they were just tears of joy.” Then I asked, “Did you say, ‘I miss my Momma?’” He said, “No. But I was thinking it in my head.”

Well , I spent my whole morning thinking “in my head” how much I missed you. You may be a big kid now but as far as I am concerned you will always be my smiling, silly baby boy (even if you only allow me to say it when we are by ourselves). And even though I have to share you with teachers and friends in my heart you will always be mine all mine.