For almost six years, Alex has been mine. For all his days, I have been his caregiver, his teacher, his playmate. Yes, he went to My Gym, and to camps and to preschool. But the majority of his day was spent at home with me. Today that all changed. Today was a day that we have been talking about all summer. Today was the day that Alex got on the bus and smiled and waved as his daddy and I cried behind our sunglasses. Today was Alex’s first day of Kindergarten.
I can’t believe that he is old enough to go to school all day every day. I am one big conflict of emotions right now. I am so excited as he starts this new chapter in his life. He is going to learn so much at school. But I am so sad that he is no longer going to spend his afternoons with Isabella and me or be able to sleep in like a teenager. This morning she told him, “I am really going to miss you Ally.” And my heart literally broke. I still see him as my baby and I can’t believe he is no longer my baby, or a toddler, or even a preschooler. He is a school-aged kid. I want to rewind time. I want those years back when he was mine… all mine.
Today when I picked him up (did I mention he was only gone half day today? I might really fall apart tomorrow when he goes all day) he was so happy. He had such a “great day” (Mrs. Bensen’s words). I asked him how the bus ride was and he said, “I started to cry, but I was able to hold my tears back. And then I realized they were just tears of joy.” Then I asked, “Did you say, ‘I miss my Momma?’” He said, “No. But I was thinking it in my head.”
Well , I spent my whole morning thinking “in my head” how much I missed you. You may be a big kid now but as far as I am concerned you will always be my smiling, silly baby boy (even if you only allow me to say it when we are by ourselves). And even though I have to share you with teachers and friends in my heart you will always be mine all mine.
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