Happy 6th Birthday

Isabella,

Happy 6th Birthday to my Labor Day baby.  Wait?  Can that even be so?  There is no way that my sweet little baby girl is six years old.  Was it really six years ago that I looked into your eyes for the first time and fell in love? Even though I had been a mother for almost three years, the moment I held you, I had the life changing revelation that there is nothing in this world quite the same as the bond between a mother and her daughter. Every time in the past six years I have looked into your eyes the feeling of wanting everything right and good and just in this world to be yours is so fierce and overpowering. You deserve the best that this life has to offer, because you are the best daughter and sister a family could ever have.

I have never in my life wanted time to stand still as much as I do when I look at you.  I watched you learn to walk and then I blinked and now you are learning to ride a bike.  I was there when you made friends, and have watched these friendships grow and blossom. I waited patiently with you as you went from a bald baby to a girl with long, curly hair. It took a long time but your wish finally came true.   I spent countless hours reading board books and picture books to you on the rocker in your nursery. Now I lay in your bed with you and read chapter books. I wish for just one day I could go back to that Labor Day six years ago when I held you, my daughter, for the first time.

Tomorrow you are going to get on a bus for your first full day of Kindergarten.  Life as I know is never going to be the same. I waited an extra year to send you to Kindergarten.  You will be one of the oldest in your class.  Everyone says that I will never regret waiting to send you...and I know this is true.  I have enjoyed every second of having you with me over the past six years.  Sure you went to preschool, and My Gym and play dates and even some sleepovers, but you were still mostly mine.  I know that it is time for you to start this next chapter of your life, but when you get on that bus in the morning you will be taking my heart with you.  You are my heart.  My daughter. My sunshine.  I don't know what I am going to do.  Nothing will ever be the same again.  I am not sure how I am going to handle it.  But I will.  Because it is as it should be.  You will continue to grow and learn and become more independent.  I will put on a brave face and be strong for you.  Because if nothing else, I want to lead by example.  I want you to go out into the world and be strong and brave. And baby girl, as you go tomorrow, I want you to know these three things...


1. You are my BEST girl. Always.
2. Be yourself. You are as bright as the sun. Let your light shine. Always.
3. No matter what I will be right here waiting for you. Always.

I love you,
Mommy

Two and a Half

Dear Zachary,

You are another 1/2 year older.  You act much older than your age.  You want to be big like Alex and Isabella.  There is no holding you back.  You want to do what you want to do when you want to do it.  You like playing with your "friends" and can hang with the big kids too.  You love to play "the cross"(lacrosse) and can scoop and throw like a champ. You are social and happy and full of energy...so much energy.

You weigh 26 pounds and are 35.5 inches tall.  You may not weigh very much but you are as tough as can be.  You love to wrestle and you fear no opponent.  You tackle Isabella, Alex, Daddy and even Uncle Steve.

You are a smart boy with a smart mouth.  You talk back to me.  You challenge me.  But you love me.  When push comes to shove you love your momma, even though you sometimes tell me you don't.  You just like to drive me crazy.  But then you will wrap your arms around my legs and look up at me with those big eyes and I melt.  I love in the mornings when I go get you from your crib you say, "Good Morning Mommy" and snuggle against my shoulder...even if it is only for a second before you run into Alex's room to destroy his latest Lego creation.

You talk nonstop.  You don't like to nap even though it is evident by your dinnertime meltdowns that you still need them. You love the beach and the pool. You insist on wearing your goggles or sunglasses. You want to be outside helping daddy and you love taking rides in the golf cart. Your favorite movies are Toy Story,  Beauty and the Beast and "100" Dalmatians.  You go pee on the potty (when you feel like it) and pick out your clothes and try to dress yourself. Yesterday you picked out an outfit and said, "This is cool.  I wear this." You insist on putting on your own shoes, and I have to force you to hold my hand in parking lots. You are Mr. Independent.  Mr. Big Shot.  

You are loving having Alex and Isabella home this summer. Isabella plays so nicely with you.  She is very patient with you for the most part.  And you follow around Alex and his buddies. They all think you are hilarious. They are your audience and laugh at everything you do.  Makes disciplining you a difficult task for mommy. You torment Alex and Isabella as only a little brother can...but they can never stay mad at you for long. If I discipline you, they rush to you and comfort you forgetting that just a minute ago you were pulling Isabella's hair or hitting Alex.  I say they are your protectors, and they are, but if I had to say what would happen in the future, I bet you will be the one who will have their backs in every situation. Probably cause you are always looking for trouble.

I love you My Little Turkey,
Mommy

8 and 1/2

Alex,

Happy half birthday.  You are 8 and 1/2 today.  Your sister made you cards and said you needed to have a present.  She sent me to the store to get you LEGOS.  And we bought you one of your favorite sweets for dessert - Berger cookies.

This Spring has been a blur of activity.  You are excelling in school.  The teachers go on and on about what a bright boy you are and how kind you are too. We went back to Turks where you had a blast going down the water slides, jumping off boats and snorkeling.  You had an awesome lacrosse season and played in your first tournament.

Last month you received your First Communion.  I was so proud of how seriously you took learning about Jesus and the Eucharist.  You were mature and reverent.  You wore Grandma Mela's cross and looked so handsome dressed in the suit that Daddy and Pop Pop helped you pick out.  Faith has always been so important to me in my life, and I am so happy that I get to share that faith with you.

There is less than a week until summer.  I am looking forward to having you home. You are such a big help with Isabella and Zach.  And I am excited to go to the beach and make our usual runs to Dunkin Donuts and Wawa.  I love being at the beach with you, because you love it as much as I do. It is our "happy place!"

When I asked you to describe yourself at 8 and 1/2 you said, "I'm an athlete. I think I'm awesome. Ladies love me.  Oh and I love my family."  

Yes, you are an athlete and more importantly a team player.  You are absolutely awesome.  And how could the ladies resist that gorgeous face?  Oh and we love you more than anything.  You truly are the best son and brother we could ever ask for...

I love you with all my heart,
Mom

My Uncle Matt

When I was born, my dad's 11 year old youngest brother became an uncle. Matthew was the youngest of eight children. A little bit of a wild child, always looking for adventure and sometimes trouble. I remember him following my pop around. When I think of Matt, I will always see him as a teenager. A tough guy with a big heart.  Being the oldest grandchild and he the youngest of my aunts and uncles, I spent a lot of time with him at Grandma John's. Being there with all of my family was one of my favorite places to be. Sometimes I felt like a youngest sister rather than a grandchild. I remember when he started dating Kim. And their wedding was like a storybook fairytale. They had three boys 1.2.3. who were adorable and they worshipped their dad. One of my favorite memories was when I was in college, my girlfriends and I did a little tour of Florida. Matt and Kim had us over for dinner, and he made the best piña coladas ever. He had us laughing with his stories and I'm sure an inappropriate joke or two thrown in as well. And then there is my most recent memory...just this September I got to spend a weekend with him and all the John brothers and sisters at his oldest sonJustin's wedding. Now more than ever, I am so happy I went to Florida that weekend. It was the last time the 8 of them would be together during a happy time. But happy times or sad, they are always there for each other. This past week, they showed their undying love for one another and unbreakable bond as they went to their baby brother's side. They prayed and talked (we all know they love to talk) and held his hand. They cried. And I bet they laughed a few times as they told stories of growing up on Deer Park Road. 

They had to do the unimaginable this week. They had to say goodbye to their baby brother. But as my dad said, he believes he is in heaven with grandma and pop.  She welcomed him home, and then he and pop went fishing. 

He is at peace. Now I pray that we may find peace as we remember him fondly. I pray for Kim that she will always feel the strength of his love. And I pray for his boys that they may hold him in their hearts each and every day and that they always remember what a great dad he is and how proud he is of them. 

Goodbye Matthew. Until we meet again...

Goodbye Matthew. Til we meet again. 

Happy Half Birthday

To My Best Girl -

Today you are 5 and 1/2 years old.  Six months have passed since your Safari Party at the end of the summer.  And what a six months it has been.  We went to Disney World this fall and you loved every minute especially eating at Beast's Castle and getting your pictures taken with the Princesses. We had a wonderful Holiday season and you were such a great helper and so into the holiday spirit. I called you Little Miss Christmas.  You kept track of "how many days until Christmas" and loved finding Stocking the Elf each morning. We have had many snow days this winter and have loved sitting by the fire in our pajamas all day watching movies, playing games and drinking hot tea.

You are a star in preschool.  You love your teacher, Mrs. Barbuti, and all your friends.  You always have a story to tell about what happens at school. Mrs. Barbuti calls you her little "assistant."  You are getting ready for your ballet and tap recital, you go to My Gym with Finley,  and have started gymnastics. You are learning to read and write and love to draw and make books.  You make a picture for your cousin Stella almost everyday.

You are an amazing little girl with a great sense of humor.  You are a sweet sister, a caring cousin, and a fabulous friend.  You love to have sleepovers, play dates and go to parties. You take great care of Zachary, and he loves you so much.  You and Alex continue to have a sweet relationship with a little argument thrown in now and then.  But truly for the most part you are always so caring to each other, always thinking of the other's feelings.

You are a Daddy's girl and he is wrapped around your little finger - don't think that is ever going to change.  He calls you his princess and you won't let him leave for work in the morning without giving you at least "one more kiss." And today for your half birthday, he took you to a basketball game and out to dinner. I never knew you liked basketball, and I think maybe you just wanted him (and Pop Pop) all to yourself. Next week you and daddy will go to your first Father-Daughter Dance.  Oh how I wish I could be there to see that!

You are my best girl.  I love you so much.  You are my dream come true. I love that you love everything pink and girly. I love our manicures and pedicures, our crafts, and time dressing up your dolls and playing store.  I love reading to you at night and snuggling and talking about our days.  I love that you tell me you love me all the time.  Out of the blue you will say to me, "I love you Momma." You will never know the joy those four words bring to me.  You are my heart Isabella Grace.

I can't believe that in a month I will be registering you for Kindergarten and in less than six months you will be getting on the bus with Alex.  I promise you that over the next six months,  I will play with you more, read to you longer at night, listen to every story and enjoy every moment with you.  Because I know too well that my days of having you little are so very numbered.  And although it is so bittersweet writing these letters to you because it means time is passing (too quickly), I also love watching you grow taller and sweeter and smarter everyday. Everyday you astound me with the things you are learning and how the size of your heart is growing. 

Happy Half Birthday Bella,
I love you - Momma

Happy 2nd Birthday

Zachary,

Yes, I realize that your birthday is January 13th and today is January 16th.  Sorry I am a few days late writing this letter.  I know. I know.  Poor third child.  Well. Third and LAST child of mine, we have had quite a lot of fun celebrating you turning two.  On Saturday, we had all of our family and your little buddies over for a Dinosaur birthday party.  We had balloon animals and dinosaur cookies, cupcakes, nuggets and even dinosaur eggs (rice krispie treats). We had sandwiches for the carnivores and veggies and fruit for the herbivores.  Your face was priceless as we sang "Happy Birthday to Zachary."

On Monday when you woke up I told you it was your birthday.  You ran right in Alex's room and crawled into bed with him.  You said, "Wake up Alex, it's my birthday!" We started the day singing "Happy Birthday."  We put the candle in a "Dunkin Donut with sprinkles." Your favorite!  When we ask you how old you are, you get the biggest smile on your face, "I'm 2." That night Grandma, Pop and Nana came over for birthday dinner.  We sang "Happy Birthday" one more time.  I just loved hearing you sing along to yourself. After cake, you opened your presents.  I think your favorite was the bike helmet.  You made daddy take you outside at 8:30 at night so you could "ride bikes."

So my youngest child, you are very loved.  You say you are a "big boy," but you are our baby.  Ask David, he will tell you.  He knows what it means to be the youngest.  You will always be our baby. And not just daddy's and mine but Alex and Isabella's too. We worship the ground you walk on, you are our cuddle buddy, our entertainment, and our hearts.

You at Two!

• All of a sudden, you are talking in sentences.  We crack up at how you can carry on a conversation.  We look at each other and say, "Did he just say that?" You especially like to talk on the phone.  You bring me the phone and ask to call one of your grandparents at least once a day.  I hope you always remember to call them :)
• You are learning to count to 10.  This was news to me today.  I was carrying you upstairs, and I was counting each step...1.2.3.4.5.6....next thing I know you said, "7.8.9."
• You love to "read books." There are many days I find you and Isabella sitting in your room looking at books. At bedtime you always ask me to "read books," even if I have already read you several.
• Your favorite things right now are Toy Story, Sesame Street characters, trains, The Wiggles, and Spiderman.
• You are often seen wearing hats....might be a cowboy hat, a knit hat, and baseball hat, or a bike helmet depending on your mood.
• You love your Bun Bun and usually need "two ones" (translation: two of them).
• We are working on learning colors and shapes.  Most things are the color blue to you.
• You love to eat pizza pie, macaroni and cheese and donuts.  When you ask for more of something you always say more twice ( ie. more. more. pizza pie).
• You love to wake up Alex and Isabella and you always want your daddy in the morning.
• When you get hurt, you always say, "kiss it."
• You always want to play in the basement or outside. "I go downstairs now." You played in the snow for the first time last month.  You always want to play with the big kids.  But you are making your own friends too.  You ask for Brayden, Grayson, Miles and Tanner by name.
• You say, "please," "thank you" and "I love you" without being prompted. You are so mannerly.
• I love when I go in your room in the morning and you say, "Good morning Momma." And "hold you Momma."
• You love My Gym, Music class and anything sports related.  You may be a little dude, but you are a tough one! And you can throw a ball and cradle a lacrosse stick.
• This year you took trips to the beach, New Jersey, Turks and Caicos and Disney World.
• You can be an ornery little guy.  You don't like to sit still.  Not a fan of shopping carts or strollers. A trip to Wegmans is a full on battle of the wills.  I try to bribe you with treats but that never works. Inevitably we leave behind a trail of goldfish, bagels and lollipops.
• But on your terms, you are a dream.  You are social and fun and happy.  You love to play toys. And will take my hand and say, "Come on, Momma.  This way, Momma." 

And I stop whatever it is I'm doing and follow you, because you are my third child, my last baby, and I know this time is fleeting. It has happened to me twice before...one minute you are taking me by the hand and the next you are off to school or playing with your friends.  So sweet, sweet boy, as long as you want me, I will follow you anywhere.

I love you, 

Momma

Happy 8th Birthday

Dear Alex,

Tomorrow is your birthday. Your 8th birthday. They are calling for snow.  You are excited at the possibility of having a Birthday Snow Day.  And even though I don't like snow, I am hoping for a Snow Day too.  I want to spend the whole day with you.  Even though when you are home, you tend to do your own thing, I love when you are here, close to me. Reminds me of the good old days when it was Alex and Mommy time all day everyday!

I can't believe I am the mom to an 8 year old.  It seems like yesterday that I was at the doctor's office, and they told me it was time to head to the hospital.  I remember every detail of that day.  And when you turned one, I couldn't believe how quickly that first year flew by... and if I could do that first year over again, I would in a second.  Actually, I wish more than anything I  could go back and do the past 8 years over again. (well, I might fast forward through the terrible three's). Daddy and I cannot believe how big you are...you are almost as tall as me, and we wear the same size shoes.  My chubby little bald baby is now a tall, skinny kid with a great "head of hair" that you refuse to get cut. And I miss that baby everyday, but I love watching you grow as each year passes...

Alex's Top 8 at 8

8. You are a wonderful friend.  You love hanging with your buddies, riding bikes, playing in the woods, having sleep overs, and playing video games.  We just had a video game party last weekend.  All your friends came over for pizza and to play video games in a game truck to celebrate your birthday.

7. You are loyal to your family.  You love your family most.  You know that family comes first and you treat your cousins, grandparents and aunts and uncles with love and respect.

6. You are an amazing big brother.  You take such good care of Isabella and Zachary.  You worry about them and you look out for them. They look up to you.  Zachary asks for you all day long when you are at school.

5. You are becoming quite the athlete. You have a good attitude and enjoy swimming, basketball, lacrosse and soccer.  You are a team player and your effort makes us so proud.

4. You are a wonderful student.  Not only are you super smart, but as your second grade teacher says,  you are "invested in your learning." You take pride in your work and your abilities. I am constantly in awe of your brain and how it works.

3. You are faithful.  You pray to God to thank Him for His gifts and ask Him to take care of those you love.

2. You are a model first-born son.  You are such a sweet boy, and although there are times you act too cool, there are just as many times you show Dad and me how much you love us.  You hug and kiss us goodnight and when we say, "May God bless you," you always say it back to us. When we were in Disney last month, I never wanted to leave because you held my hand and stayed right by my side the whole time.  I love those fleeting moments when you still are my "little boy."

1. You have a huge heart. I know I already mentioned how you treat your family and friends, but I feel like I need to say it again.  Never have I met a child with such a kind and empathetic heart. You always think of others, even if you don't know them.  When we were in Disney, a little girl was lost.  You were so worried about her finding her mom. You said to me, "Mom. You have to help her." When someone you love is sad, your big brown eyes fill with tears.   You have a silly sense of humor, and you love to make people laugh. You, of course have your moments when you torment your sister or don't listen to directions, but most of the time your innate goodness shines through in your words and how you treat others. You are a truly wonderful human being. I can never tell you enough how proud I am of you, and how truly blessed I am to be your mom.

I love you sweet boy,
Momma

Thanksgiving 2013

I know. I know.  I have been terrible about writing posts.  Life seems to get busier and crazier by the day.   Don't get me wrong, I love my crazy life, but I truly feel like there aren't enough hours of the day to do it all much less write about it.

But on this day, I am taking a few quiet moments to reflect on the past year...

This year I have been lucky enough to continue to be blessed with beautiful, smart, loving children and a husband who works hard and loves us with his whole heart.  We have made wonderful memories together at the beach, Turks and Disney World. We have celebrated occasions both big and small - birthdays, cookouts with friends, long summer days at the pool, watching the Ravens win the Super Bowl.  I was my children's biggest fan as they learned to walk and talk, played sports, danced in recitals, swam on the swim team, and achieved success in school. Life has been good to us this year.

And this year and every year, I am most grateful for my family. Today at the dinner table, we all went around and said what we were thankful for, and as I sat and listened to my parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, children and Poppy say what they were thankful for I realized we were all saying the same thing...each other. We are a big, loud, crazy bunch who would be lost without one another.

Of all the wonderful things in my life,  I am most blessed to have witnessed a true miracle, Stella.  Born so early, she has shown a fierceness like I have never seen before. She is the sweetest little lady.  Her smile lights up the whole world.  We all sit and stare at her. She is mesmerizing. There isn't a person alive who is immune to her. Everyone who meets her falls in love at first sight.  She has had such a tough road in her young life, but you would never know when you are in her presence.  She looks you right in the eye as if to say, "Don't worry. I've got this. I'm going to be okay." We are all thankful to have Stella in our lives. And if Stella could have said what she was thankful for today, this is what she would have said,

"I'm thankful for my mommy.  She is my heart. She takes such good care of me. We are an unstoppable team, Mommy and me.  I am thankful for Grandma and Pop who help Mommy and sing to me and call me their pretty girl.  I am thankful for all of my aunts and uncles and Poppy who love me as if I was their own.  I am thankful for my cousins who talk about me all the time, who draw me pictures, and who pray for me every night. They are my brothers and sisters, my protectors. I am thankful for the doctors and nurses who are helping me grow and get well.  My family, I am your miracle. Your star. Have faith in God and have faith in me."

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy 5th Birthday Isabella

Dear Isabella,

Yesterday was your 5th birthday.  You are a whole hand.  You crawled into bed with me yesterday morning and we snuggled.  I told you the story of the day you were born. Wasn't it just yesterday that Daddy, Alex and I rushed to the hospital on that Labor Day morning? Could it really be that was five years ago?  I swear it feels like minutes.  I blinked. You are no longer a baby, no longer a toddler. You are my big girl. My sweet girl.  My social girl. My curly girl. My best girl.

Every time I write a letter to you, I find myself  wanting to say the same things.  You may have grown taller and your hair has grown longer over the past year, but so much of you has remained the same. You still love your brothers and daddy best.  You have the same friends (plus some new ones) and the same best friend. You and Kaitlyn became friends before you were even two years old, and you continue to be as close as sisters. She truly is a member of our family.  Speaking of family, you have an amazing bond with your family, especially your cousins. You love Gigi and pedicures and making crafts and riding your bike. You are stubborn. You are a leader.  You are appreciative. You are so smart and articulate.  You are learning to add and write words. You love to listen to chapter books at bedtime. You have learned to swim. You love to dance and listen to music on your Ipod. Your imagination is incredible. You are the light of our lives.  Without you with that voice and those eyes and that smile...our lives would not be nearly as bright.

We spent the summer talking about the day you would turn 5 and planning your Safari birthday party. You made the guest list, you shopped with me for the decorations, you chose the type of cake and cupcakes you wanted. We picked out dresses...mine cheetah print and yours giraffe print, of course. We went for pedicures and got our toenails painted "shocking pink" with black tiger stripes.

We had a wonderful time at your party.  The yard was decorated like a safari complete with bamboo and animal prints on everything...the lanterns, the desserts, the tablecloths, plates and napkins.  The DJ played your favorite songs.  Ms. Shari worked her magic and transformed all your friends into safari animals.  It was so hot out that it felt like we were in African on a real safari.  You said your favorite parts of the party were getting your face painted, playing with your friends and cousins, and that Stella came to your party.

You thanked Daddy and I over and over again for your party. You are welcome, my girl.  Anything for you, always....

I love you,
Mommy

18 Months Old

Zachary,

When I think that 18 months ago, I was on bed rest, I have to laugh.  I hated every minute of it. I was worried about you, I was restless, I was bored out of my mind. HA!  18 months later, what I wouldn't give for a little rest...

You, my little Z, never sit still.  I chase you around the house, the yard, the pool, the beach every waking moment of the day! We call you our little "troublemaker" (lovingly, of course).  If there is mischief to be found, you find it! If there is a puddle, you jump in it. If there is a chair, you climb on it. If there is a ball or food or a toy, you throw it.  You fuss to go "outside" and are happiest walking around the yard with a lacrosse stick in hand.  You even know how to cradle.  Daddy is thrilled.  You love feeding the "fish" and riding on the "golf cart" to the "pool." If you are in the house, you refuse to play with toys or watch a show.  Instead you like to empty my cabinets and throw everything in the "trash." 

You say, "Momma. Momma. Momma" over and over and over when you want something until I figure out what it is that you are asking for at the moment.  Like most kids, you do not like the word, "No." You want to be on the go, and I hear "get down" if I try to pick you up.

You are talking more and more.  You ask for a "bagel" and "cream cheese" for breakfast.  You ask for your "milk" or "water," and if  I hand you the wrong cup, I better duck because it is getting thrown. You know all your body parts and you can count to three.  You always ask to "brush teeth" and you love "big bird." You love to cuddle "bun bun"when you go "night night."

You are Mr. Social.  I always say that no one is a stranger to you.  You smile that big goofy smile and win over everyone you meet. But no one loves you more than your family.  We all love you to pieces. "Al-ee" and "Bell-ba"think you are the best baby in the world.  I agree. The best. The most active.  The cutest. The happiest.   And I don't think I ever met another person who wouldn't agree with me.

Happy half birthday Zac-a-doodle.
Love you,
Momma