Constants

There are some things that remain a constant in my life no matter how old I get. They are little things, but they still warm my heart in a way that is almost impossible to describe.

My Poppy always puts his keys on top of the refrigerator whenever he goes to someone's house. I remember him doing this when I was little, and tonight I saw him reach up and get them off my mom's refrigerator as they were leaving.

My Grandma Mela always called her grandchildren kiddies as we were growing up and sometimes still does. And now she calls our children kiddies.

My mother always knows what to say to make me feel better without even trying. Tonight she told me how when she was shopping today, without thinking, she bought 5 little stockings for her grand kids for next Christmas. She only has 4 grandchildren to date. When she got home she realized she bought the 5th stocking, so maybe it is a sign. All I know is that for some silly reason it gave me hope that I will indeed have another baby.

Nat King Cole Christmas songs always remind me of my Grandma John.

Jay's hands are always warm no matter what the weather. And when I am feeling sad or lost all I have to do is hold his hand. I feel better immediately.

My dad will always have a dry sarcastic remark that will make his family laugh.

My dad will always be "that guy" out on Christmas Eve shopping for that last minute gift.

Nothing says Christmas like the smell of a fresh Christmas tree.

My faith - lately I have been getting very emotional when I am in church. I think it is because it is where I feel the closest to my Grandma John. But also, because I have realized how much my faith means to me, especially now that we are trying to have another baby. Without my faith I would have nothing to hold onto in this journey. Having a healthy baby is a miracle, and I truly believe only God can answer my prayers for a brother or a sister for Alex.

Christmas 2007

Christmas has come and gone. All the planning, shopping, baking, wrapping and it is over in the blink of an eye. If it were up to me, it would last for a week! That is how long Alex would have taken to open and play with all the gifts if Jay and I hadn't helped. He must have been a very good boy, because Santa treated him very well.


Here is a picture of our tree "Pre-Santa"









And here is a picture of our tree "Post Santa"





Besides the presents, which are only an added bonus, we had an amazing Christmas spending time with our families. Again though, I think we need a whole week in order to see everyone. We spend a lot of time in the car on Christmas, but in a way even that is nice, because we get some "us" time to talk and listen to Christmas music. It is hectic, but I really wouldn't have it any other way! It somehow works for us!



Here are a few more pictures of our "Christmas Angel" - that is what Jay was calling Alex all day yesterday!

My Son...My Son

Last weekend, Jay and I went to Florida for a friend's wedding. I missed Alex terribly, but I have to admit I did enjoy sleeping until 9:30 two days in a row!

On Friday morning the guys went golfing. Terri and I went to breakfast at the restaurant. Seated at the table next to us were these three "older" women. They were talking about their grown children and grandchildren as only women can do...The one lady was going on and on and on and on about her son. I can tell you all about his job, his wife, his house, his kids, but I won't.

The next day, we were all sitting around talking and somehow the subject of the ladies came up in conversation. I said to Terri, "The one lady was so funny. My Son! My Son! I hope I don't get like that when I am old." Terri looked me right in the eye and said, "Get like that???" You are like that!" And although she said it in jest, I know there is A LOT of truth to it. I guess I had been talking about Alex a lot! But really, who could blame me? I mean look at this face.....

The Parties Are Over....

This morning Alex got up and said, "Momma, I want my birthday back!" I can't blame him. We did some serious celebrating over the past few days. We started out by having a party at My Gym with all of his cousins and friends. What a great party. Those girls at My Gym do it up right. They played all of Alex's favorite songs - the Wiggles and "You Got to Move It, Move It." He was in his glory as the center of attention as he danced and sang and even wore a birthday hat and sunglasses and led the parade! After the My Gym party, we had all of our family over for a Wiggles-Themed Pizza Party. Although our townhouse was busting at the seams with all of the people, everyone had fun celebrating with the birthday boy. Yesterday was Alex's actual birthday. He woke up and opened his presents from Momma and Daddy - we got him an easel which he absolutely loves. Then we met Kiki, Jake and Luke for lunch at Cheeburger! Cheeburger! And last night, Alex's grandma, pop, nana, and pop pop all came over for dinner. He so enjoyed having the undivided attention of his parents and grandparents. We got to sing Happy Birthday one more time, and then we opened his gifts from the grandparents - a tool bench and a keyboard! What fun! I will never be able to get him out of the house because he will not want to leave of all the new toys! To top off the evening, we watched the video of the day Alex was born. To me, that was the perfect way to end the celebration. Seeing that little baby all wrapped in his blanket, wearing that blue hat and hearing that tiny cry brought back the memories of the happiest day of my life.

Click below for a slideshow of the festivities....

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?&mode=fromsite&collid=32912404805.544792179505.1197392579001&conn_speed=1

Reflecting God's Light

I think I am in a state of shock! My little baby is going to be 2 tomorrow. I remember crying everyday for the first few weeks of his life, because he was 2 days old, then three days old and so on and so on. Now he is 730 days old. And although I can barely remember life without him, I can't believe he is turning 2. It is the strangest feeling. Two years ago tonight at this time, I was finally resting comfortably after being in labor all day long, thanks to a wonderful thing called an epidural. In a few hours, the doctor would come in and make the decision to deliver Baby Beynon via c-section. It was at that moment I felt relief and peace wash over me. Not just because I was worried about the many, many exhausted family members in the waiting room, but because I was finally going to get to feast my eyes on this little baby who I had been singing to, reading to, and loving for 9 months. As the doctor was performing the c-section, I looked at Jay and said, "I want to do this again someday!" And then a few minutes later at 2:45 am, Alex was born and it truly was the most amazing moment of my life. There really are no words to describe that feeling when the doctor said, "You have a son."

And tonight when I sang, "You Are My Sunshine" to him as I have since he was in my belly, I cried. I couldn't help myself. I was feeling so overwhelmed with love as the memories of his "birthday" came rushing in...I am so very proud to be Alex's mother. That brings me to the title of this entry ("finally!"you say). Today in church the priest was talking about how we can be a reflection of God's light. And I know that through the love I feel for my son, God's light is reflected each and every day. It is almost as though the love I feel for him radiates from my heart, and if you look closely you can see God's light shining forth in the miracle that is this smart, beautiful, independent child. God gave me the gift of motherhood and through my love for Alex I will spend my life thanking him and reflecting His light.

Using Blue Bear for Good Not Just for Evil!

Alex is your typical toddler. He is possessive of his toys - the words MINE and NO come out of his mouth more times in a day than I care to count. He plays rough, sometimes too rough. Just ask Mason and Preslee (his 10-month old little girl cousins), who are crawling and getting into his things and climbing on him. He seems to no longer see them as little babies but his counterparts, which equals me constantly saying, "Be gentle with them." He is independent. He now likes to "read" his own books at night, which is so sad! He says, "I pick out a book. I read it!" And he is obsessed with putting toilet paper in the toilet and then flushing it over and over!

But tonight Alex did something not so typical of a toddler. He showed empathy, which if you ask me is a hard emotion for even some adults to show! I am having a rough night. I am not pregnant again this month. I was sitting on the floor in my room talking to Jay on the phone. I was crying. Alex walked over to me and made Blue Bear give me a kiss. He said, "Momma, Blue Bear make you feel better." How sweet is that!? And smart too! He was able to understand that I was feeling sad, and he knows that Blue Bear comforts him so he must be able to comfort me too! And even though his stinky lovey's kiss didn't really do the trick, the fact that my little boy can be so sweet and loving sure helped me get up and continue on with my night of bathing and playing with my most adorable little monster!