Thursday, September 13, 2007

My Brain is on Overdrive

I am a thinker, a planner, an organzier. I am who I am, and I can't help it. My family teases me terribly, but there is nothing I can do to change it.

Question: So why would I be any different now that we are trying to get pregnant with #2?

Answer: I wouldn't be any different, because if I could I would. I am an information-seeking fiend. I am on the internet looking up TTC (that's trying to conceive) websites every chance I get. Do you know there is one called TWO WEEK That is the two week wait between ovulation and your period! Gotta love it, I do. Jay doesn't even have to set his alarm for work anymore. He wakes up to the sound of my thermometer beep..beep...beeping. And when it comes to peeing on a stick, whether it be an Ovulation Predictor or a Home Pregnancy Test , I am an addict.

Now we are onto Day 2, Cycle #3 of this process. And I feel like I can't slow down much less stop on my quest for information. The questions race through my brain:

What is going on with my body? What can I do to maximize my chances this month? Why was it so easy with Alex? Why did I get pregnant in May just to lose the baby? Are Jay's boxer briefs too tight? How can I stop stressing and worrying?

The last question is a pointless one - because anyone who has tried to conceive knows that it is the one thing you hear most; "relax...don't stress...let it happen" and the thing that is the most impossible to do! Because if it could just happen it would have already, for me and for my friends sailing along in the same boat with me. As the months go by, the stress level goes up and my brain has officially slipped into Overdrive. Knowledge is power to me, it helps me make sense of the senseless. So maybe I shouldn't question why I am the way I am or what I can do to change it but instead just go along for the ride. And along the way I am going to pick up as much knowledge as my brain can hold (and that is a lot if I must say so myself!)

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