As I mentioned in my previous post, my grandmother died a year ago. We were very close and I miss her everyday. I know she would get such a kick out of Alex. Anyway, I digress. The other night my dad made me clean out the one closet I still occupied in my childhood room, which is now an office...but again I digress.
I threw most everything out but saved photo albums, my first pair of point shoes, my $125 wedding shoes (that were on my feet for a total of one hour - they didn't even make it out of the church), my Cabbage Patch kids, and a handful of the many letters that my grandma wrote to me when I was away at college.
So I got home and I read the letters,and it could probably go without saying, but I cried my eyes out! Because I miss her? yes! Because I wish she could be here to watch my son grow? yes! But more than that, I cried because I felt her here with me now as I read those letters from 11 years ago! One of the letters was dated March 10, 1996. In the letter she told me that my mom had told her that my boyfriend of 3 years and I had broken up, and she wanted to let me know she was there for me. And I must have written right back pouring my heart out about how heartbroken I was and asking the question "WHY?," because I received another letter dated just 6 days later. In the letter she wrote that why was the million dollar question.
She continued, "why did I have a miscarriage? why is my loved one ill? etc.etc. There is no answer to that question but you just have to have faith in God that He will help you through it and that He has a plan for you. "
It is so incredibly eerie as well as divine that a letter written 11 years ago by my grandmother who no longer walks this earth has such meaning right now in my life. 11 years later I am going through the things she was speaking of in her letter. Could she have known? And what made me keep those two letters?
I guess asking "WHY?" is a waste of time. I will instead bask in the love that she had for me my whole life and believe she still has as she watches from heaven. I guess I don't have to worry about her missing Alex grow up - she isn't missing a thing!